i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
