What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
