i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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