Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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