quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
