i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
