So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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