just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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