Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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