I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
