Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My pussy is not your playground.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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