This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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