oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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