??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this beer tastes like vomit already
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
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him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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