I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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