I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
