I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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