My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
