fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
