she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
