God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
