I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
vagina is talking i cant
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
