My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
