Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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