Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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