i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
