Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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