If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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