I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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