I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i think my cat just said my name.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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