mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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