Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
