Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
