He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just googled if crying burns calories
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize