a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
