Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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