Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
