If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
