Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
