is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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