am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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