i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
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Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
dude. I can hear the air.
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