your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
