Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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