his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
