Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
