when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
