Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
