So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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