do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
