You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
