is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
