Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
