How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
