She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
