i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
