Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
