So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
