The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
