so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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