Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
