I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
