my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
