I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
