that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
