if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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